Posted by: harrysachz | September 17, 2007

Hitman? More like Boraphyll!

HitmonOkay, normally I like the idea that there are new movies based on video game and comic book story lines. X-men wasn’t bad, Spiderman is brilliant, and although I would watch Edward Norton in any movie he’s in, the new Hulk movie sounds interesting.

So today, I hear that there’s a Hitman trailer available at the Apple Trailers site. Hitman has been one of my all time favorite games ever since I shot a messenger, stole his clothes and bicycle, and gracefully slid into a mob house to kill the Don. More recently in the series, the games have become much harder… but back to the point.

Who the fuck decided to cast Timothy Olyphant as #47? Short answer: This guy. The same guy that casted Roger Rabbit in a Jet Li movie. Anyhow, Mr. Olyphag only seems suitable for playing the creepy guy in chick flick movies. You know, the guy that ends up stalking the lead girl, and the handsome new wanna-be artist boyfriend has to come out of his shy shell to kick the shit out of him. Then the creepy guy starts crying because he’s actually a pussy deep down despite his ‘tough guy’ exterior. Then they all have a threesome and video tape it in his grandma’s basement. That would be kinda cool actually… But seriously, he almost completely ruined Die Hard 4, if it wasn’t already ruined by the unbelievably terrible storyline and overall blandness of the film.

Oh, and Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark? Come on Hollywood. Are there really no fresh actors in your bin? “Let’s pull a random name out of the ol’ drug addicted, alcoholic, has-been hat… Nick Nolte?… nah, can’t get his mugshot pic out of my head…… Woody Harrelson?… nah, he’d hotbox the IronMan suit…. Robert Downey Jr.?…. is he in or out of rehab this week?… I think out…. PERFECT!

Tired, heading to bed…




  1. Olyphag/phont is a pretty dumb choice for Hitman. I mean, I guess he does the “I’m completely bland and boring, but I may explode at any moment” thing pretty well, but he just doesn’t look the part. And can’t act.

    Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, however, has potential. We’ll see.

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